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Bollywood in Rajneeti: What if Bollywood takes over the cabinet ministry?

  • Akshay Rane
  • October 3, 2017
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Bollywood has always had a fascination with the ‘Throne of Power.’ Veteran actress Hema Malini, Jaya Bachchan and ShotGun Shatrughan Sinha are few names which are still enjoying a good run in Politics. Unlike their filmy innings, their Political reign is sure to continue for a long time.

However, other stars like Amitabh Bachchan and Sanjay Dutt failed badly. Maybe; our actors are not as good as Politicians in acting. Irrespective of past failures and successes, here’s a list of popular Bollywood actors who deserve a cabinet berth for their sheer talent and off-screen histrionics.

Please Note: Our current Politicians are doing a fabulous job (Pun Intended) and this list is purely
co-incidental and bears no resemblance to the truth.

Minister of Defense: Mr. Sunny Deol

This is one of the most important portfolios in our country. Obviously, the man heading it should be powerful and capable of protecting our country from infiltrators. Who is most suited to this post than our very own Sunny Paji? Please don’t frown ‘kyunki yeh Dhai kilon ka hath jab kisi pe padta hain toh who insaan utha nahi uth jata hain.’ This one man army is India’s answer to the Nuclear weapons of Super Powers.

Minister of Agriculture: Mr Amitabh Bachchan

This is Amitabh Bachchan’s golden chance to return back his holiday spot land in Barabanki, which was originally meant for farmers. The Bollywood Legend can lead by example by showing that we do care for the farmers and that is why we keep their land to ourselves. Aamir Khan is a close contender for this portfolio, having made socially relevant films.

Minister of Railways: Mrs. Malaika Arora Khan

This is one of the most lucrative cabinets. However, all the previous Railway ministers have failed to solve the problems of the ‘Aam Janta’, which travels in crowded locals everyday. Malaika Arora Khan is the only lady who can solve this problem by permitting roof-top travel, as seen in Chaiya Chaiya.

Minister of Health and Family Affairs: Mr. Dilip Kumar

What India needs is a man committed to the health and prosperity of Janta Janardhan. A man, who fights against fatal epidemics and improves the average life-span, is the suitable candidate for this berth. It is thus natural that he should be healthy and evergreen.  Mr. Dilip Kumar, the living legend suits the bill perfectly.
(Sorry Ramdev Baba, you missed the train).

Minister of External Affairs: Ms. Katrina Kaif

We need a person who is an Indian yet understands Firangs. Bollywood Bombshell Katrina Kaif wins the title hands down. She has been in the industry for over a decade and is yet unable to mouth Hindi dialogues. Katrina still resembles a Firang, in spite of the sweltering Mumbai heat. She will surely improve our ties with the Foreigners.

Minster of Law and Justice: Mr. Sanjay Dutt and Mr. Salman Dabangg Khan

No, no; we are not making fun of this prestigious berth. The idea is to appoint a person who understands the legal system perfectly. Who better than Sanjay Dutt and Salman Khan? These two celebrities have attended hundreds of court hearings and by now are also familiar with the Judges. Do we need to say more?

Minister of Home Affairs: Mr. Chote Nawab

Mr. Saif Ali Khan is most suited for this profile. He has had many affairs in the past including extra-martial affairs when he was living in his home. The numbers just keep on increasing
(I hope we haven’t misunderstood the profile).

Minster of Finance: Mr. King Khan

The highest tax payer of the country, Shahrukh Khan can donate some of his wealth to the nation’s economy. India can finally repay the World Bank Loan. However, he has some stiff competition from Khiladi Akshay Kumar.

Minster of Communication and Information Technology: Mr. Abhishek Bachchan

Mr.Junior Bachchan has finally got a good role to play. Irrespective of the future of his so-called Bollywood career, everyone is sure that he will be best remembered for his Idea telecom advertisements. As the Minister of Communication and IT, AB’s baby will surely make some positive changes. What an Idea Sir Ji?

Minister of New and Renewable Energy: Ranbir Kapoor

Last but certainly not the least; this cabinet berth goes to the young Bollywood brigade spearheaded by Mr. Ranbir Kapoor. Better known as the ‘Next big thing’, even after a decade in Bollywood’ Mr. Kapoor will inject some youthfulness in the otherwise tepid and old Bollywood Cabinet.


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