Dear Snowflakes of the Internet a.k.a Members of the Mrs Funnybones Sisterhood Samiti….Holy Cow Mooes again!!! - The Fearless Indian
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Dear Snowflakes of the Internet a.k.a Members of the Mrs Funnybones Sisterhood Samiti….Holy Cow Mooes again!!!

  • Holy Cow
  • October 12, 2017
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I hear you’ve been all worked up since I mooooed a li’l too loud? Have a seat, breathe a little. We have some talking to do.

Let’s see what we have here… So you are offended by everything I wrote – starting with my very name. You guys find it amusing when a who’s who adopts a pen name, but when a regular woman settles on a pseudonym, you all judge her as a COWARD? Holy Cow!!!! See, that’s why this name. I knew nothing else would measure up to your hypocrisy more. I don’t blame you on your ignorance of the ritual of signing off with a pseudonym that dates back to the era of Shakespeare, because patently, rituals aren’t something you dig… #KarwachauthSucks. You must believe that Mary Westmacott, Mrs. Silence Dogood, Robert Galbraith, and Bhānusiṃha were all too fattu to brave some Bollywood celeb and her cyber warriors.

The words I scribbled, have been shared and reposted over 3500 times as I write, and liked by many. I am obliged, but also a little frazzled by your accusations of the letter being abusive. Like, how? Aren’t you the same bunch that applauded when all your favorite celebs flashed their middle fingers in support of “Lipstick Behind My Burkha”? Didn’t Sonam Kapoor become your queen by stating that F-U-C-K is integral to this generation’s speech? Don’t you throw a tantrum if asked to be ladylike and not utter slangs? You celebrate when a Gauri Lankesh calls my democratically elected Prime Minister gay and summons every woman to send used sanitary napkins to him. You hail her as undaunted when she insults mothers of all Sanghis as prostitutes or rape victims. And then take a U-turn at my mere “Shut the F-up”? Oh, is it because, I haven’t subscribed to the liberal mailing list yet? My article was not abusive. Abrasive – Yes. Abusive? No. It was not meant to massage your celeb’s ego or caress her hair; to call her and her hypocrisy out in the most blatant way was the intent. Thanks y’ll for spreading the post like plague.

The post was factual also. But I didn’t conduct a sting operation digging skeletons from Khanna’s closet. You were the ones who kept sharing posts of “Dimple Kapadia caught with Sunny Deol in London.” After Rajesh Khanna’s demise, you guys flooded my newsfeed with posts chronicling his romantic link-ups, instead of his acting career. Till date, you guys take digs at Priyanka Chopra’s affair with Akshay Kumar and then Shah Rukh Khan. Always indifferent to Bollywood, I didn’t go looking out for information – you served these anecdotes to me every morning at breakfast. Just like the way you are sucking the juice out of the Kangana – Hrithik affair these days, the way you keep Aishwarya Rai and Salman Khan’s fossil of an affair alive in your Memes. Stop acting as though you were oblivious to facts of her oh-so–public life. How I use this very public information is my prerogative. Don’t blame your indigestion on me if your sensitive gut cannot stomach an overdose of truth. If you have problem with reality, that’s not my problem.

If at all I owe an apology to anyone, I owe it to some Muslim women who felt affronted. Not only will I apologize to them, but applaud their loyalty to their customs also. How they always uphold their traditions overlooking personal inconveniences – an unacceptable expectation from the pseudo feminists of my community who fish out something oppressive out of every Hindu custom- is beyond me. My only intention was to draw a juxtaposition to expose the double standards of Bollywood celebs. Turns out I unearthed some reeking hypocrisy buried in the backyards of some well-behaved commoners too.

And all those talks about “women should not tear other women down.” Shut up already. I don’t side with any gender – when I see hypocrisy, I call it out. But as you feminists live by this Golden Rule – why dragging me down, huh? See – hypocrisy!

Much Love

Holy Cow!!!

Regular Woman


PS: And no, as a “Regular WomAn” I certainly don’t represent all regular womEn.

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