“We can never make peace with the outer world unless we make peace with ourselves.” – Dalai Lama
Let us begin with a short story:
Imagine the birth of a child. The newborn brings so much joy to everyone around. It brings laughter, smiles, and happiness.
Then this child starts to grow up, learns life experiences, gets conditioned, has different levels of exposures, and failures. Everything is happening to him and with him (anger, envy, blessings, education, growing, adolescence, adulthood, success, mistakes, relationships, all the ups and downs of life). He is struggling with life, while everyone is normal around him and is going on with their own lives.
And then one day, just like that, he commits suicide!
The rule of the jungle applies everywhere. ‘Survival of the fittest’ is a theory by Darwin. We all live in a social jungle! There is peer pressure, competition, performance pressure and during all this, external pressure from the world! There is an inner world, the innate human need of feeling joy and peace. The sense that we belong and are loved by other human beings for who we are is very important to all of us, without faking the outer appearance and behavior, without fearing being judged.
The natural process of any human is existence and survival. Modern science is working on maximizing the human lifespan and ensuring better health.
When a person tries to commit suicide, he is defying his own natural law of existence. He/she needs to seek help in areas of mental, physical, emotional, or what I call ‘existential’ well-being. Taking therapy or counseling should be recommended to him, instead of brushing the issue under the carpet.
What happens to a person when he grows up to be an adult and the reason why he ends up taking his life?
– Sometimes, people feel hopelessness in life; they are not able to trust that anyone can help them to get out of the situation they are stuck in. They feel they are at a dead-end in life. And the only way out is to end their life.
– Other times it could be that they are suffering from mental illness, especially depression. This causes them to take some impulsive decisions, as they feel dejected and they end their life.
– Sometimes people are not even aware that they have some issues and tend to ignore their problems and these problems become unbearable and people are forced to take drastic steps.
– Sometimes people do not share their problems with anyone else. They are worried they will look weak if they ask for help. Their EGO sometimes does not allow them to ask for help. They do not share their heart out. They are a
one-man army handling all the battles in their life. This pushes them to end their life.
– Some people are going through PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) and their coping mechanism is weak. They cannot bear the loss of a loved one or have gone through severe mental or physical torture. When the situations are extreme and prolonged these people tend to end their life as suffering becomes unbearable.
– Sometimes the reason could be related to shame or embarrassment- when you are not fitting in as per the socio-economic norms of a society, or regret and guilt- when you cannot give up the past and would have liked to change certain decisions of your life which cost you either relationships, health, life, money or any other important aspects of your life.
– Some feel that there is a loss of support from loved ones and the society is lacking compassion and kindness. And they do not want to live in such a world.
So, what happens to the loved ones NOW, who once had smiles on the arrival of this child?
– The pain a loved one goes through, is unimaginable
– Loved ones left behind are shocked and devastated
– They go through post-traumatic stress after their loss
– In some cases, the loved ones may fall severally ill or extreme cases may even die
– They feel the life of the person who left had so much potential and have left without completing their purpose
– There are so many family dreams that are left incomplete
– There are so many expressions, conversations, and experiences that are left incomplete
How can this be prevented?
– Acceptance of a family member, a friend, or an employee who is going through rough times is very crucial.
– When a person seems down and out, the loved ones around him/her should support him, without getting judgmental about his condition.
– Show them compassion and love.
– Give them a hearing, it is very important to let them talk their heart out and trust that someone is there to listen to them intently.
– In adolescence and growing up years, teach children resilience and support them in a positive way when they make mistakes
– Leading a more mindful life is essential
– Take mental health issues more seriously and support those going through it
– Do not make seeking help a big deal
If we teach people a holistic approach towards life, teach them resilience, meditation, handling rejection, decision making, and taking account of their lives and decisions, this scenario might change. Also, an important aspect of growing up is teaching your children handling failures, by giving them responsibility and empowering them to manage their ups and downs.
Our society needs better trust factors between relationships and better values to improve inter-personal relationships that can direct people towards leading a happier life.
– Trishna Kaur
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